Today Was a Bad Day

I've imagined. I've fantasized. I've dreamed. I've toyed with.

What if? I've asked.

All of the sudden he did it. Just like that it was over for him. He was no more. He was no longer the failed one. No more questions. No more explanations. No more judgement. No more advice. No more shame. No more hope. No more dreams.  He turned fantasy to reality. He stopped the madness. He freed himself. No more wasted energy. He got to lay still and chill; literally. The rat race was over.

I've only imagined. He did it. He really did it. It's been two weeks since he's been laid to rest. Life goes on. He's at rest. Win Win.

I cried a long time. It was a deep wrenching cry I'd never released before, almost suffocating me. We weren't close. I don't think I cried for him. I mourned me. He found peace. I'm almost jealous.