I Date Not

My friends want to know. Co-workers want to know. Family members wonder. Why don't you date? Why don't you have a boyfriend? At first I just didn't know.  I think I'm pretty fabulously great... In my head that is. 

There is only one guy who can say he was my boyfriend and I'd agree. We dated in high school but didn't survive my freshman year of college. I was heart broken when he felt that he had to let me go, or so I thought at the time. I got over it. It's been 10 years and I haven't had a boyfriend since. There's a few guys who'd say they were my boyfriend but I never agreed to it. Just because we dated for a while, had some likability, and talked about being boyfriend and girlfriend does not mean we got there. We didn't.

It's been so long since I've been  united with someone in mutual understanding of togetherness that it'll take my full capacity to give it another go. I sucked at it then and probably suck even more now. I almost can't imagine it. Sure at times it'd be nice to know someone is thinking of you affectionately even when he isn't by your side. It'd be nice to get a hug once in a while or have a companion who is at your beck and call and has to hang out with you. That's all good and dandy but then they'd have expectations of me. They would want to talk and  expect to hear from me and get to know me. I don't know me! What am I supposed to tell them?

I'm open to dating as long as he doesn't have crazy questions to ask. Like, what do you do? What are your interest? When was your last relationship? How come you have been single for so long? The only aspect of dating that is appealing is getting dolled up and have all expenses paid. I'm not open to the question and answer session that is expected upon agreement of the interaction. So I don't date. 

I don't need anyone trying to set me up either. I'm good. I know I'm not trying to date but some of the options being thrown at me are absolutely RIDICULOUS! No I'm not interested! Just because I'm experiencing  a monumental self crisis doesn't mean I've lost all sense of self worth! Just recently I was visiting with friends and an older gentleman present was expressing his frustrations with his 41 year old grown son. The son came up because he called the father asking for a ride home. The dad opened up about how much of a screw up his son has been all his life and how hard it is to cope with as a parent. I know for a fact I was not the only one who heard this. Why in the world would my friend suggest the gentleman set his son up with me?! REALLY??? A 41 year old man calling his dad for a ride? I was speechless! I think I'm good over here by my lonely self. Thanks , but NoO  THANKS!

The Facebook Good Riddance

I deactivated my Facebook account about a month ago. Facebook was causing me unnecessary stress so it had to go. I had been on FB almost from the beginning; back in the good ole days  when it was "The Facebook" and exclusively for college students. Here I was 8 years later and a bigger loser than ever. I wish there was a forever cancel option. Damn Mark Zuck...! Years later he's a billionaire and years later I couldn't even afford to properly bury my dead grandmother let alone attend her funeral. Facebook had to go!

My heart skipped a beat when I confirmed the final deactivation prompt. Now what? I deleted the app from my phone. Now what? I didn't know what to do. Since I was at work, I opened a work file to occupy my screen but definitely had no intention of working just yet. I checked my phone throughout the day expecting alerts,  most of which usually had nothing to do with me. I survived the day and have been Facebook free for 43 days and counting. 

Although it gets easier with each passing day, parting with FB has been anything but smooth. When I went to use my navigation app, it went BANANAS because I wasn't logged on FB. The thing refused to work at first going CRAY CRAY alerting me to log on FB.  I moved on to Google Maps and made a happy discovery,  it now talks! This small ray of sunshine was short lived. FB seems to have the app world on lock! It took me three additional tasks in order to move on in CandyCrush because I wasn't logged on FB. I won't even go into details with the issues I'm having with my Instagram.

I'm not saying I won't reactivate my FB account but I'm sure it won't be anytime soon. I need to get better first. I don't miss all the LIKES, and the chore of posting pics. Most of my recent pics were staged anyways. When I took a pic, I had FB in the back of my mind. I'd be thinking I haven't posted a pic in a while, this looks like a great opportunity for an FB photo op. Even if I attended a boring, shoot me now function, you couldn't tell from my FB photo op. When I hung out with friends, photo op. If I went somewhere, photo op. But no one saw or could comment on the countless days I spent simmering in my own misery.

If you think the chore of posting staged happy moments on FB sounds pathetic, it gets sadder. What was even more troublesome was that I liked to be LIKED. I felt like a hater if I wasn't returning the courtesy of being liked. Truth be told, I was hating. I'm a hater! With my life being what it is, it wasn't healthy for me to be surrounded by so much to hate on. Every other day someone is getting engaged, LIKE I must. Oh, a new baby, LIKE I must! Don't forget every course that was eaten on the honeymoon, LIKE I must! Then there's Valentine's Day, B-Days, date nights, school plays, graduations, promotions, new homes, new business ventures, fancy shiny gifts, vacations, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LLLLIIIIKKKEEEEE!!!! I was going nuts LIKING and commenting! What about logging on and seeing that a guy you dated 5 seconds ago was now engaged to the ex girlfriend he swore it was over with??? LIKE? Heck NO! DEFRIEND!!! Facebook HAD to go! 

Moi

My name is Scherley. I go by ScherlzZz to minimize the syllables. In my head, I'm FABULOUS! I've got it all; looks, brains, personality, charisma, and above all, I'm a good person. For the life of me, I can't figure out why life is punishing me to the tenth power of infinity! I had a good life up until adulthood. Ever since adulthood struck, it's been a downward spiral.

If you're thinking I was born with a silver spoon, NEGATIVE! I was born in Haiti and immigrated to the United States as a child to live with my father. Growing up, I did most of what I was told; I respected my elders, I did well in school, never did drugs, went to college and grad school, and attended mass regularly with my family. Isn't that the secret to attaining the American dream? Because I think I've been duped! In reality, adulthood has left me in tears, confused, bitter, angry at times, depressed, and sometimes I even question the the fairness and judgement of the higher forces.

I couldn't wait to grow up! I had dreams of the BIG Apple, big money, glitz, and the good life. It never once, not even in passing, occurred to me that I'd end up in my shoes. Now that I am grown up, I just want a do over.

   Hellooooo!!! Am I not FABULOUS?

The Reality: My BFF graduating from med school could not lug her bag on stage to receive her honors. It so happens the bag looks great in pics with my outfit. Strike a pose! I'm the bag holder!